Maria's Shares · STEAMY Shares

Maria’s Recent Mexico MEHcation

So, you remember that time I wrote that share about traveling with kids?

We did it again.

And this time out of the country.

I know, I know. But listen, how hard could it be?

Book a DIRECT flight to Mexico, 6 hours and you’re there. Right?

First of all, let’s address the whole “search for a hot Delta pilot” thing.

I’m sorry, I have failed you.

I was too busy hyperventilating while dragging my kids through the airport and trying not to lose them.

Busy standing in lines and internally screaming.

Question: ARE MY KIDS THE ONLY ONES WHO CAN’T STAND STILL?

Logically, I know the answer is no.

See this? This PERFECTLY depicts what my kids were like during airport check-in.

The crazy one in a red shirt is my son, and that other one is my daughter.

She’s just there to rile him up.

Anyways, so many fucking things went wrong during this vacation, I lost count.

If you have one week to go on vacation DO NOT pick the one during spring break.

Related image

Yes, that really happened.

But, wtf, it’s just the type of shit you don’t think about.

But you should.

When we landed in Cancun and spent an hour going through passport control I knew something was up.

It might have been all the giddy teenagers in line that gave it away.

Anywhooo. The resort.

GAWD.

This was my first time ever travelling to an all-inclusive one.

I suppose the beds were fine. But how hard is it to screw that up?

Actually, funny story – once I went to Puerto Rico and kept waking up with bites in the morning.

Then one night before bed I saw a bug on my pillow.

Exactly. Terrifying.

Long story short, I made them change the mattress and demanded free breakfast.

For the pain and suffering, of course.

But I digress.

So, THE FOOD.

Let’s talk about the food.

Just because you have a pretty restaurant with fancy waiters and pretty plates does not excuse the fact that YOUR CHEF CAN’T COOK.

GOD. I was so fed up with the whole pretentious bullshit, I wanted to walk into the kitchen and show them how it’s done.

And it’s not even that I’m so spoiled I didn’t want to eat the food. I ate it.

I just hate that they pretend like it’s a 5 star restaurant that requires a reservation one day in advance, mind you, and serve entrees that are no higher than 3 stars. And I’m being really generous with my rating right now.

So, I had to pick out from the buffet of useless stuff.

Now, THE KIDS CLUB!

Oh, I was so excited because they have this club for the kids where you can drop them off and go about your business.

Sounds awesome, right?

Do I really need to dig up another ‘wrong’ gif?

So when I came in to drop my kids off all geared up for a fun day in the sun…

I noticed that the BABYSITTERS are the 18 year old girls who also work  as entertainers at the same resort.

But that’s not even what was bothering me.

It was the fact that they had some fucked up “schedule of activities”  they wanted to follow.

YES, I REALLY WANT MY KID TO DO SOME BULLSHIT CRAFTS WHILE SITTING INSIDE A SHITTY BUILDING.

Seriously, I brought them from a 20 F degree weather to Mexico just so that they can sit indoors and glue some shit together.

Image result for makes sense gif

The worst part – they wouldn’t budge.

My hubs was trying to convince me that they were giving him disgusted glares.

I’m not surprised. The agent during passport control rolled her eyes at him when he said THANK YOU.

Just sayin’. lol

So, needless to say, I kept the kids by my side 99% of the time.

And thus, the MEHcation. Because vacation with kids is not really a vacation.

Your plans revolve around them and that’s just that.

But, perhaps, the worst part of it all was the fact that we were there during a storm.

The ocean? NO GO.

The waves, I’ve never seen waves this big.

The result?

Chilling by the pool for a week while watching drunk teens stumble around on the premises.

Pretty much could have done the same in Florida. For half the price.

And without the teens.

LE SIGH.

And, of course, can’t forget being stuck at the very back of the planes with the people in similar “situations,” aka kids.

And by the time you get off the plane you’re the last one in line for passport control.

Totally awesome.

But, there’s a positive to everything.

There was an endless supply of these:

Image result for mohito

Because they try to keep you drunk and happy.

If anyone knows of an awesome all-inclusive with a STELLAR kids club, please let me know!!!

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